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Greetings, my Darklings. I have returned from walking among you, refreshed and perky. I long for destruction, as I know you do too. Earlier today, a stray erection of mine destroyed a large chunk of west Japan. That's the sort of mood I'm in.

While I was gone, several loyal servants posted questions to me, not all of which I remember. But one I do - should people who break pasta in half before dropping it in the water be destroyed?

I will avoid the obvious digression that breaking pasta in half is good because it so closely mimics the motions of masturbation. Instead I will use this question to make a good point.

It is OK to, when someone annoys you with an utterly trivial, silly thing, beat them to death with a lead pipe. However, some restraint must be shown.

If we slaughter each other for silly things, like humming Carpenters songs or thinking Margaret Cho is funny, we won't have the energy left for killing the people who need killing, like the people responsible for every UPN show that isn't Voyager.

Plus, I really get pissed off by the people who _don't_ break the pasta in half.


- Jeff Vogel Scorched Earth Party

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