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Scorched Earth Party Position Paper:


It has recently come to our attention that many women in this country are unsatisfied with how long (or, in this case, how short) a time it takes some men to reach orgasm. Whether is takes a minute, or three minutes, or even a whole five minutes, these shrewish harridans are unsatisfied. It has gotten so bad, that premature ejaculation is even thought to be a negative trait!

These malcontents should be reminded that in the rest of the animal kingdom, speedy male ejaculation is a desired trait, and perfectly acceptable. The male black widow spider, for example, must be extremely quick on the trigger, in order to get away from his mate as soon as possible (a desire with which many human males can empathize). In fact, the human male orgasm time is so, so, far above average that whatever a particular individual's particular time is, nobody has the right to complain. In fact, premature ejaculation, from an overall viewpoint, is perfectly "natural."

It is therefore the Sorched Earth Party's stated goal not to bring the already excessive time for men to reach orgasm up, but to reduce the grotesquely huge time it takes women to obtain release. Our goal is, through careful bioengineering and beating genetically inappropriate indivisuals to death with a lead pipe, to:

  • i. Make the average orgasm time for women 5 seconds.
  • ii. Make the average orgasm time for men 5 seconds.
  • iii. Make the average refractory time for both sexes 5 seconds.
  • iv. Give woman 2 vaginas, one an "emergency back-up vagina", in case the main one isn't working right.

These changes, when brought about, should result in human sexual behavior that is both highly unusual, and highly different. Thank you for your time.

Scorched Earth Party:

     "There is absolutely no problem we cannot solve, through careful, focused application of extreme, mindless violence."

- Jeff Vogel Scorched Earth Party

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