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Scorched Earth Party Position Paper:

Federal School Lunch Programs

Our current congress, in its current spree, is direly threatening the school lunch programs. I will not go into the other actions of said congress at this point. I approve the direction they're taking things, although I still want to place a lead pipe right in the middle of Gingrich's ugly mug.

However, I urge all my minions to deplore the gutting of the School Lunch Program. This, my friends, is not the liberal sop it appears! Yea, verily, it is a Scorched Earth Scheme of the first order!

I ask you, when food is short and hungers are long, when the American Midwest is burned away as a quick easy way to end farm subsidies, when there are no more cows to eat because the aliens have dissected them all, then, I tells ya', even a modest proposal will be better than no proposal at all!

And when that happens, nobody is going to want scrawny jailbait on their plate! No, sir! And you'll be damn glad the Scorched Earth Party was there, ten years before, fattening the little bastards up!

Oh, many has been the lonely evening I wanted to run to a showing of the Brady Bunch movie, and cull the sweaty little vermin in the seats for some grub! I didn't, of course. Evenings, I'm busy plotting. But I (and all of you as well) was secure in the knowledge that should I go a-hunting, that many fat, succulent morsels, replete with surplus cheese and fish sticks, would await me!

You write your congressman, urging the School Lunch Program be left alone. For maximum effect, write the letter on the stomach of a FRESH, SUCCULENT YOUNG BOY.

I'll be glad you did.

Scorched Earth Party -

"Your ever-reliable source for Immodest Proposals."

- Jeff Vogel Scorched Earth Party

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